The teams change, but the party stays the same.
A few years ago, I was at a Super Bowl party. The game was classic, but my friend found his own endless chatter far more thrilling. When an ad came on, I turned to answer some of his 1,472 comments. âShhh!â he interrupted me. âIâm watching the commercial!â This dolt is just one of the many types youâll meet at a Super Bowl partyâhere are the others.
Heâs there for one reason and one reason onlyâthe chips, dips, and sips. This is the best meal heâll have till Super Bowl XLVIII. Sample phrase: âYou done with that 'za? Oh, and, uh, someone might want to go to the store and get more brewskies.â
Sheâs under the impression sheâs been invited to a party and not to watch a football game. Sample phrase: âSo, how many Oscar-nominated films have you seen?â
The Ad Man
He thinks godaddy.com ads rank with the best of Scorceseâs early works and weeps at the Budweiser Clydesdale commercials. On Monday morning, he's at the water cooler reciting the funniest lines. Sample phrase: âActually, I think Danica Patrick is a very good actress.â
The Silent Type
He arrives early, parks himself squarely in front of the 52â HDTV and does not move, not even his eyeballsâhis food and booze are all within peripheral vision range. Heâs prepared for not getting up by going to the bathroom for three solid days. Sample phrase: None. Dude doesnât talk.
Will even root against her own team if sheâs on the wrong side of the over/under. Sample phrase: âAnyone loan me a hundred bucks?â
Heâs thrilled to be invited, but isnât sure what heâs been invited to. Sample phrase: âNow whatâs happening?â
Isnât content letting his friends know his opinions, he has to share them with the world. Thinks none of the announcers know what theyâre talking about. Sample phrase: âDo you think Shannon Sharpe has nightmares over some of the things he says during halftime?â Sample tweet: âFlacco sucks!â
Every player was rougher, tougher, and meaner back in the day. Sample phrase: âWhatâs with all the tattoos?! Y.A. Tittle didnât need tattoos!â
Sheâs too nervous to sit in one place. Even if her team is up by 49 with 20 seconds left, she can be found walking the room. Not to worry, this is the most exercise sheâll get all year. Sample phrase: âGameâs not over â¦ still plenty of time â¦â
The Guy Who Asks, "When Are the Puppies On?"