The 10 Types of People You Meet at Every Super Bowl Party

Which one are you?

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The teams change, but the party stays the same

iStock/Todor Tsvetkov

A few years ago, I was at a Super Bowl party. The game was classic, but my friend found his own endless chatter far more thrilling. When an ad came on, I turned to answer some of his 1,472 comments. “Shhh!” he interrupted me. “I’m watching the commercial!” This dolt is just one of the many types you’ll meet at a Super Bowl party—here are the others.

The Snacker

iStock/Pamela Moore

He’s there for one reason and one reason only—the chips, dips, and sips. This is the best meal he’ll have till Super Bowl XLVIII. Sample phrase: “You done with that 'za? Oh, and, uh, someone might want to go to the store and get more brewskies.”

The Talker

iStock/rilueda

She’s under the impression she’s been invited to a party and not to watch a football game. Sample phrase: “So, how many Oscar-nominated films have you seen?”

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The Ad Man

iStock/william87

He thinks godaddy.com ads rank with the best of Scorcese’s early works and weeps at the Budweiser Clydesdale commercials. On Monday morning, he's at the water cooler reciting the funniest lines. Sample phrase: “Actually, I think Danica Patrick is a very good actress.”

The Silent Type

iStock/Pamela Moore

He arrives early, parks himself squarely in front of the 52" HDTV and does not move, not even his eyeballs—his food and booze are all within peripheral vision range. He’s prepared for not getting up by going to the bathroom for three solid days. Sample phrase: None. Dude doesn’t talk.

The Hustler

iStock/gpointstudio

Will even root against her own team if she's on the wrong side of the over/under. Sample phrase: “Anyone loan me a hundred bucks?”

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The Newbie

iStock/Christopher Futcher

He's thrilled to be invited, but isn’t sure what he's been invited to. Sample phrase: “Now what's happening?”

The Critic

iStock/LifesizeImages

Isn't content letting his friends know his opinions, he has to share them with the world. Thinks none of the announcers know what they're talking about. Sample phrase: "Do you think Shannon Sharpe has nightmares over some of the things he says during halftime?"

The Leatherhead

iStock/Christopher Futcher

Every player was rougher, tougher, and meaner back in the day. Sample phrase: “What’s with all the tattoos?! Y.A. Tittle didn’t need tattoos!”

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The Pacer

iStock/PeopleImages

She's too nervous to sit in one place. Even if her team is up by 49 with 20 seconds left, she can be found walking the room. Not to worry, this is the most exercise she'll get all year. Sample phrase: "Game's not over … still plenty of time …"

The Guy Who Asks, "When Are the Puppies On?"

iStock/Alona Rjabceva

Jerk.


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