If you’re one of the 12 people in the country who has yet to decide who to vote for in November, here’s one more way to choose (other than flipping a coin).
Slate has compiled a list of television characters and the presidential candidate they would likely support if (and this is a big if) they were real. The list is based on what issues characters have supported in the past or what parties they claimed to belong to.
Sure, you could let the issues dictate who you’ll pull the lever for, but choosing a candidate based on Homer Simpson’s thumbs-up is far more interesting—albeit, possibly dangerous.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.