You’re sitting at a bar when you ask the bartender for a Heineken. Your friend counters with a Sam Adams. With the election a month away, them’s fighting words. That’s because, as The National Journal discovered, beer brand choice is just one more thing divided along political lines—along with, perhaps, craft breweries per capita.
Heineken, Corona, Budweiser, and Stella Artois are supposedly favored by Democrats, while Samuel Adams, Coors Light, Yuengling, and Lone Star skew to the right. For you Independent voters, you’ll no doubt decide on your preferred candidate over a nice, cool Bud Light, Miller’s High Life, or Foster’s.
What with the endless commercials and nasty attacks, this election cycle has driven many a person to drink. Now, at least, we know what to order.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.