10 Funny Happy Hour Quotes

View as Slideshow

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
I work until beer o'clock.
-- Stephen King

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
-- Conan O'Brien

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
"Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?"
-- Jerry Seinfeld

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do."
-- Dylan Thomas

Content continues below ad

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
An alcoholic is someone you don\'t like who drinks as much as you do.
-- Dylan Thomas

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
I exercise self-control and never touch a beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.
-- W. C. Fields

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history—with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
-- Mitch Ratliffe

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
Sure I eat what I advertise. Sure I eat Wheaties for breakfast. A good bowl of Wheaties with bourbon can\'t be beat.
-- Dizzy Dean

Content continues below ad

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
As a cure for worrying,work is better than whiskey.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

©2009 Jupiterimages Corporation
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Become more interesting every week!

Get our Read Up newsletter

how we use your e-mail

Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.