1. Wash your face with an alcohol-free cleanser.
2. Open pores by applying a hot towel to the face, or shave after a hot shower.
3. Rub shaving cream in a circular, upward motion to lift hairs, so they’re easier to cut.
4. Go with the grain, moving from the side toward the nose, then to the chin. Next, go against the grain. Don’t shave one area more than three times — it irritates the skin.
5. Finish with a splash of cold water, then alcohol-free aftershave. Replace a razor after three shaves. Rinse it in hot water after use and store upright, never facedown — that helps bacteria grow.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.