Every medicine cabinet is filled with similar items: cotton balls, aspirin, Q-tips. Here are a few different ways you can put those items to use.
1. Baby Oil – It does everything from staving off an earache to making bandage removal painless.
2. Bubble Bath – Hand soap too drying? Decant bubble bath into a container and keep it on the sink.
3. Chest Rub – Massage into your tired feet for a quick pick-me-up.
4. Cotton Balls – Soak them in bleach and clean out the gunky crevices in your bathroom and kitchen.
5. Cotton Swabs – Substitute a swab for an eye shadow applicator.
6. Deodorant – Sweaty palms? Rub some antiperspirant into your hands and never be nervous again.
7. Hair Spray – Mosquito bites giving you an itch? One quick blast of hair spray will kill the sting.
8. Lip Balm – Dry nose? Rub a dab of lip balm on it the way mountain climbers do, and you’ll feel better.
9. Mouthwash – Wash your toothbrushes instead, by soaking them for a few minutes every day.
10. Toothbrush – Bushy eyebrows? Spritz a spare toothbrush with hair spray and use it to tame them.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.