1. Take the escalator — but climb the stairs while you ride. You’ll get there faster and use your muscles while you’re at it. Just 5 minutes of stair climbing burns 144 calories.
2. Instead of piling items on the stairs so you can take them upstairs at once, take them one at a time.
3. When cooling your heels while waiting in a doctor’s office, drugstore, or airport, stay on your feet — standing burns 36 more calories per hour than sitting.
4. Rake leaves instead of using a leaf blower: You’ll burn 50 more calories every half hour.
5. Scrub your floors more often. Putting some elbow grease into cleaning floors is more intense than vacuuming — and it makes your floors look better to boot.
6. Chew sugarless gum. Research has found that the action of jaw muscles alone burns about 11 calories an hour.
7. Wash your car by hand instead of taking it through the automatic carwash. You’ll burn an extra 280 calories in an hour.
8. Play with kids: Impromptu games of basketball, touch football, or tag — or just jumping rope or throwing a ball — will help you use energy and set a good example of active play for the children. Calories burned: 80 to 137 every 10 minutes.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.