Specific: I shall go to the gym for an hour at 4pm every Thursday.
Not: I’m planning to get more exercise.
Measurable: I shall substitute one portion of fruit for a chocolate bar every day this week.
Not: I shall eat more fruit from now on.
To find out if your goal is measurable, ask questions such as: How much? How many? How will I know when it is accomplished?
Achievable: I’ve decided to cut out fatty meats, burgers, fried foods and takeout.
Not: I’m going to avoid all saturated fat.
Realistic: I will go out for dessert rather than keeping it in the house.
Not: I’m never going to eat ice cream again.
Timely: I’m starting a diet on Monday and aiming to lose a few inches from my waist by May 1 .
Not: I want a 26-inch waist.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.