As reported by The Wall Street Journal, Heinz is making waves with its new ketchup packet design, which seems to solve the age-old conundrum: “How do I dip my fries while riding in the car?!” The ketchup giant recently unveiled the Dip and Squeeze packet, which can either be peeled open and placed in your car’s cup holder for convenient dipping, or squeezed on in the traditional way. While we have no doubt about society’s “need” for this innovation, we wonder if making French fry eating more convenient is really the wisest idea. Here are a few other convenient foods that should have been rethought:
Pizza in a Cone
Pizza is a traditionally hand-held food. Why would someone decide to shape it into a cone? More cheese is our guess.
Try: Getting one slice of pizza, light on the cheese, and add something green.
By the time you load a burrito-size flour tortilla with toppings and have a side of chips, you are in for a lunch stretching well over 1,000 calories. We’re not saying a fast-food burger is any better, but this is not a good option for a lunch on-the-go.
Try: Choosing the taco size and fill with a low-fat protein and low-calorie salsa.
At 70 calories per serving this is a low-calorie option that packs nearly 1,000 grams of sodium—way too much for a snack.
Try: Making your own low-sodium soup and get an insulated coffee mug to sip it from on the go.
Dunkin Donuts Multigrain Bagel
You know that donuts and huge muffins aren’t the best choice but large bagels with cream cheese can weigh in at over 500 calories. Would you be surprised that this is the bagel with the highest calories of any of the DD bagels? Cream cheese will add 100 calories per ounce to the already 390-calorie bagel (you’ll need more than an ounce to cover it). Also skip the Cheddar Cheese Bagel Twist at 400 calories a twist.
Try: Sharing half with a co-worker and adding a piece of fruit on the side.
At 560 calories the Sausage, Egg & Cheese McGriddles are a frightening on-the-go breakfast, with 20 more calories than a Big Mac. Who ever needed to combine the maple goodness of pancakes or waffles with eggs and bacon in one hand-held sandwich? Hey, at least you aren’t sitting down to the 1,150-calorie Big Breakfast with Hotcakes.
Try: Bringing hard boiled eggs to work with a side of fruit.
Something about French toast has never screamed on-the-go to us. 5 of these sticks is a big 500 calories of sugar and easy-digesting carbs. This is not the breakfast you’re looking for.
Omelets were not meant to be sandwiches, especially when they weigh in at 760 calories.
Try: The original oatmeal for 110 calories. Or bring your own in an insulated container.
At 830 calories you better be enjoying this after a 7 mile run, because that’s how many calories it would take to burn this off. This is a glorified milk shake.
Try: Coffee with a shot of chocolate syrup and a small splash of cream.
Okay, you know that Cold Stone is not a diet joint. You probably also are wary of their shakes menu. After all a milk shake is the ultimate diet-destroying convenience food. But were you also aware that some of their smoothies, which sound less harmful, actually can pack a powerful gut-busting punch? Both Pineapple Coconut Orange and Mango Strawberry “Gotta Have it” size contain 600 calories. Shakes range from 980-1,750 calories. What’s wrong with a good, old fashioned scoop of ice cream or sorbet?
Try: The Berry Trinity “Like it” size at 110 calories or eat some fruit–many are conveniently portable and don’t require refrigeration.
Caramel Pecanbon Bites 6 count
Cinnamon buns were never meant to be convenient. These little bites pack a hefty 800 calories.
Try: Sharing with 6 people.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.