7 Healthy Numbers That Count for 2011

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The amount of years longer you may live if you are an optimist.

The amount of years longer you may live if you are an optimist.

Increase in the risk of death for someone with diabetes compared to a person the same age without the disease.

 Increase in the risk of death for someone with diabetes compared to a person the same age without the disease.
Learn more in Diabetes: What to Do Now

Of hospital patients get heavy-duty heartburn drugs, no matter why they were admitted.

Of hospital patients get heavy-duty heartburn drugs, no matter why they were admitted.

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Of people infected with a cold don’t develop symptoms.

Of people infected with a cold don’t develop symptoms.

How long it takes for loss of sleep to cause insulin resistance—which, over time, raises the risk of diabetes.

How long it takes for loss of sleep to cause insulin resistance—which, over time, raises the risk of diabetes.
Plus, dieters who got 8.5 hours of sleep nightly lost 56 percent more body fat than they did when eating the same diet but getting just 5.5 hours of sleep a night.

Agave syrup has more calories per teaspoon than table sugar.

Agave syrup has more calories per teaspoon than table sugar.

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The amount you would need to meet 1,000 IU (a frequently recommended daily target) of vitamin D.

The amount you would need to meet 1,000 IU (a frequently recommended daily target) of vitamin D.

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Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram

@kristencarney

A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

@sixthformpoet

Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”

@NicCageMatch

Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 
—Alcohol

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.