Emergency! What to Do First?

Q: I fell in my boat and cut my leg badly. I stopped the bleeding with a towel, but it made me realize I need a first-aid update. What should I have done?

A: Seeing blood can be a scary thing, so it’s no wonder people don’t always remember what to do after a cut, gouge or gaping skin split. You did the right thing by using a towel (as long as it was clean and not covered in fish scales). You shouldn’t use a tourniquet unless that’s the only way to stop a serious geyser.

Once the bleeding has stopped, wash out any dirt or gunk that’s gotten in. Then, whether the wound hurts or not, go to an ER so docs can determine whether you need antibiotics, stitches or a tetanus booster shot. To relieve the pain, try aspirin. Our rule is this: Don’t put anything on a wound that you wouldn’t put in your eye. So that means water and saline solution are okay. Ointments and whiskey, not so much.

Want to stay smart and healthy?

Get our weekly Health Reads newsletter

how we use your e-mail

Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.