When you sip tea, make sure to steep tea bags for five minutes.
When you blow your nose, do one nostril at a time.
When you get a flu vaccine, make sure to exercise the same day.
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When you eat more protein, make sure to add it to breakfast.
When you stand up, make sure to do it in a work meeting.
When you floss your teeth, make sure to do it after, not before, you brush.
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.