You mixed your drink with diet soda.
You chose a curvy glass.
You liked how your drink tasted.
You're eating low-fat or fat-free foods.
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You were psyched to have a good time.
You aren't pumping iron.
You're getting older.
You've had weight-loss surgery.
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.