- Pop a dissolvable breath strip. The latest versions have added caffeine, but even the ones intended to just freshen your breath are so strong, you can expect a pick-me-up.
- Down the java, but just a third of a cup, to avoid jumpiness and dehydration. If possible, drink it 20 minutes before go time, then drink some cold water, which also amps up circulation.
- Use a brush for applying under-eye concealer because it allows for a close cover-up along the lash line. Push and pat the product into the skin rather than rub.
- Beware the bronzer. You may be tempted to abuse it—so at least choose the right one for your skin tone (the package will tell you). Rule of thumb: The veins on your wrists look blue for cool skin, green for warm. Use a light touch.
- Dab a bright but sheer blush on the apples of the cheeks, over the bronzer, to brighten the face. A bright, sheer peach will work on just about any skin tone.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.