Serge BlochFunny how a day can change so quickly. It started well: The Body had one of my favorite meals for breakfast—yogurt and oatmeal with blueberries. I’ll be running smoothly, if you know what I mean, thanks to the fiber in the oats and fruit. Even better, the yogurt is teeming with probiotics—live bacterial critters that help maintain my Gut Flora (GF), the amazing microbes inside me that help with digestion and immunity. When my GF are balanced and happy, The Body may be more likely to eat that who-knows-how-old Chinese food in the fridge without getting sick.
But more about that later. It’s only 8:30 a.m., and my optimism is fading on the morning commute. The Body remembers that late-night e-mail from her boss (“See me at 3:30 tomorrow.”) Hmm … doesn’t sound like a promotion. And the traffic is brutal! Time to say hello to stress chemicals like cortisol that can become my enemies when they are the constant background music of The Body’s demanding days. Hey, she gets a lot done, but I pay the price. When her stress hormones spike, her brain signals specialized cells in my lining to release inflammatory chemicals. These guys are useful if there’s actually an infection to fight. But when there’s no real threat, they cause muscle contractions that can make me bloated and irritated (hello, cramping and the need for the nearest bathroom). This can also kick The Body’s irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) into high gear. That means I have to deal with excruciating, stabbing pains. Fun, huh? Note to self: Strategize with the brain about ways to help The Body chill a bit. Yoga isn’t helpful if she checks her BlackBerry before every Downward Dog.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.