“I’m So Tired I’ll Try Anything”: Silly Sleep Solutions

Working with four hours of sleep right now? Then this slideshow will make perfect sense to you.

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Scenario: You just watched a scary movie

Scenario: You just watched a scary movie
1. I am not pregnant. 2. I don’t own a satin pajama set. 3. I don’t care. This Leachco Snoogle pregnancy pillow is shaped like a big padded “C” so that you can spoon it or it can spoon you. Genius.

Scenario: You’re lonely

Scenario: You’re lonely
Who needs a real boyfriend when you can have a knitted one? Dutch artist Noortje de Keijzer sewed together a life-size man as part of her design school graduation. Features include staying warm in the winter, no itchy stubble and a great source of static electricity.

Scenario: You can’t get comfortable

Scenario: You can’t get comfortable
According to Wonder How To, it can be very effective to rub your belly as one might rub, say, a baby hedgehog. Start at your navel and rub your belly in bigger and bigger clockwise circles and then small and smaller counter-clockwise circles. Repeat.

Scenario: Your brain won’t turn off

Scenario: Your brain won’t turn off
There’s nothing more distracting than this woman’s robotic voice telling you that, “no matter how relaxed you become, you can still relax many times deeper.” Listen to the full two-hours and her droning speech will surely put you to sleep.

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Scenario: Pulled an all-nighter and there’s no turning back

Scenario: Pulled an all-nighter and there’s no turning back
If you’re truly sleep-deprived and delirious, the UpRight Sleeper may start to seem tempting. The Sleeper ($39.99) is a device that straps around your back and allows your chin to rest in a padded, bendable frame so that you can sleep on the train, in line for the bus or even at the office.

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an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

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—Everyone following you on Instagram

@kristencarney

A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

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From clientsfromhell.net

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My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
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@NicCageMatch

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@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

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My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

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Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.