12 Telltale Signs You’re More Stressed Than You Realize

Your brain can get so used to being stressed out that it seems normal. But these clues from the new book The End of Stress may indicate that your stress levels are taking a big toll on your mind and mood.

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Stress Is the New Normal

Stress Is the New NormalWavebreak Media/Thinkstock
Surveys show that while everyone agrees that stress makes us unhealthy and unproductive, 83 percent of us are doing nothing about it. It's because people and companies have given up. They've accepted stress as if it were the new normal. But recognizing the various signs and symptoms of stress—and the way they affect your memory, your thinking, your relationships, and mood—can help empower you to take a different tack. Can’t seem to de-stress no matter how much you try to squeeze in daily walks or deep breaths? Check out this fun “Unwind Your Mind” kit, filled with brain teasers, crosswords, and coloring books specifically designed to zap tension and boost calm.

You have trouble making decisions.

You have trouble making decisions.Wavebreak Media/Thinkstock
Why: One study found that when rats experience episodes of uncontrollable stress, they can’t reliably identify the larger of two rewards. What's more, their decision-making stays impaired for several days. The greater the stress, the greater the chance we'll make bad decisions.

You have a shorter fuse, feeling more impatient and on edge.

You have a shorter fuse, feeling more impatient and on edge.iStock/Thinkstock
Why: Stress is closely related to fear. When we're afraid that we are at risk, the brain shifts into survival mode. The amygdala, the brain’s fear center, activates fight, flight, or freeze, which makes us aggressive, angry, or defensive. Evolution determined that a hostile stance was a better survival strategy in the event of a threat than peace and loving kindness. While this is quite true if you're faced with a grizzly bear, few of us are ever threatened by a wild animal. Our plunge into an edgy emotional state is the result of stressing over an imagined threat that doesn't exist.

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You criticize your partner and focus on the flaws in your relationship.

You criticize your partner and focus on the flaws in your relationship.iStock/Thinkstock
Why: Fifteen years of research by Bejamin Karney of the University of California at Los Angeles found that the greater the stress, the more reactive we'll be to the normal ups and downs at home. We’re more inclined to argue, blame, criticize, and withhold affection. We're more likely to judge the relationship as negative and blame our loved one for a problem, not realizing that stress is distorting our perception. Stress hormones also lower our sex drive.

You eat more or have lost your appetite.

You eat more or have lost your appetite.Stockbyte/Thinkstock
Why: Two-thirds of people eat more under stress, while the rest eat less. The stress hormone glucocorticoid stimulates appetite, and it can take hours to clear from the blood stream, prompting emotionally charged overeating.

Your memory and concentration fizzle.

Your memory and concentration fizzle.Stockbyte/Thinkstock
Why: Acute psychological stress thwarts working and prospective memory and takes neural resources away from executive function networks. That's a technical way of saying that stress causes memory lapse, attention issues, and hinders your higher brain's ability to plan and execute.

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You’re fatigued most days.

You’re fatigued most days.iStock/Thinkstock
Why: Stressful days keep your brain's stress response system turned on almost nonstop. It dumps stress hormones into the blood system, which in turn accelerates heart rate and respiration. It activates the sympathetic nervous system that mobilizes our fight, flight, or freeze response. This system uses a lot of energy and can make us feel exhausted by the end of the day.

You either can’t get to sleep or don’t want to get out of bed.

You either can’t get to sleep or don’t want to get out of bed.iStock/Thinkstock
Why: Studies have shown poor sleepers to have higher levels of stress hormones in their bloodstream. These chemicals not only decrease the total amount of sleep we get, but can compromise the quality of whatever shuteye we end up getting. When we wake up, we have even less energy than the day before.

You feel less confident about your ability to handle personal problems.

You feel less confident about your ability to handle personal problems.iStock/Thinkstock
Why: Buildup of stress hormones can make us depressed and lower self-esteem. We lose the brain chemistry that enables us to stay on top of a situation.

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Simple things feel hard.

Simple things feel hard.Creatas//Thinkstock
Why: Stress hormones spike the brain chemical dopamine, which can create a decline in cognitive performance. This can make even easy tasks (say, juggling the laundry, emptying the dishwasher, and signing kids' permission slips) feel difficult to manage. Also, stress can cause us to stop looking for new ways to approach old tasks because behavior tend to habituate when the brain is under stress. We get locked into doing the same unproductive thing over and over.

You enjoy your favorite activities less and less.

You enjoy your favorite activities less and less.iStock/Thinkstock
Why: During high-stress situations, interactions between a stress hormone called adrenal glucocorticoid and serotonin receptors in the brain interfere with our ability to experience pleasure and remain motivated. Serotonin levels that are consistently off-balance produce the brain chemistry that leads to depression.

You’ve become less social.

You’ve become less social.Wavebreak Media/Thinkstock
Why: People tend to isolate when they're chronically stressed, but this can make stress even harder to cope with. Research shows that Type-A personalities actually shun the very social support that can buffer a stressful day.

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You’ve started using alcohol, cigarettes, or other substances more.

You’ve started using alcohol, cigarettes, or other substances more.iStock/Thinkstock
Why: Stress hormones trigger substance abuse and cause a greater chance of relapse in recovering alcoholics.

The End of Stress

The End of Stress
You can rewire your brain to become more resilient to the negative effects of stress, argues Don Joseph Goewey in his new book The End of Stress. Learn more here about his four-step plan to extinguish stress reactions and amplify the higher brain function linked to success in life, joy at work, and peace at home.

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