The Tool: Sleeptracker Pro wristwatch ($179, sleeptracker.com)
The Tout: Set the alarm for a window of time (say, between 6:30 and 7 a.m.). The watch tracks your sleep stages (between deep and non-deep) and rouses you within your time window during a less-deep period of sleep, leaving you more refreshed.
The Test-Drive: My eyes opened and the alarm sounded at exactly the same moment, after 7 hours of sleep but 13 minutes before the time I usually set my alarm for. “Your body is paralyzed in REM sleep,” says sleep expert Michael Breus, PhD, “and waking out of REM is very difficult. The device waits for you to move before waking you.” The Sleeptracker may not work for all people, though, especially those on antidepressants, since they get very little REM sleep.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.