Moms don’t sleep. Not during pregnancy. Not after the kids are born. Not after they’re in school. And especially not after they start driving. In fact, a totally unscientific poll of mothers recently revealed that no mom sleeps until her kids are grown and out of the house. Part of the reason is that we are good parents. We try to give our kids a clean home, clean clothes, and a modicum of attention. In the hour before bedtime, 60 percent of us are still doing household chores, reveals a poll by the National Sleep Foundation, while 37 percent of us are doing things with our kids. A second reason that we are not sleeping is that sometimes our kids are too wired to settle into sleep right away or perhaps it’s because they just haven’t learned how to get to sleep independently. A third is that every once in a while, all kids have sleeping problems at night, nightmares, illness, wet beds, just to name a few. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, 47 percent of us have to handle those challenges alone. Whether it’s because of divorce, disinterest, or poor parenting, thereâ€™s no one else there but us to get up in the middle of the night to cuddle a miserable, frightened child. But weâ€™re not the only ones who are losing sleep. So are our kids. Studies show that 40 percent of children report they donâ€™t get enough sleep. And at least one survey reveals that 20 percent of teens fall asleep in school on a regular basis.24 percent of married women have given up sex whether it’s because we are so exhausted we prefer sleep or because we are so irritated at our partner is anybody’s guess.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.