Get rid of paint lumps
You want to do a touch-up paint job, but your used can of paint has some lumps in it. Instead of going through the bother of straining the paint into another container, try this: Cut a circle of screening sized to fit inside the can (use the lid as a guide). Place the screen circle on top of the paint and push it gently down to the bottom with your stir stick. The lumps will now be trapped at the bottom of the can. Stir up the paint and get to work.
Protect newly planted seeds
Who knows what is walking around your garden at night, so protect newly planted seeds by covering them with a sheet of screen material. It also might deter the neighborhood felines from using your nice, fluffy soil as a cat box. When the seedlings emerge, you can bend the screening to make cages.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.