Keep brown sugar soft
Ever notice how brown sugar seems to harden overnight once you’ve opened the bag? Next time you open a bag of brown sugar, add a few marshmallows to the bag before closing it. The marshmallows will add enough moisture to keep the sugar soft for weeks.
Stop ice-cream drips
Here’s an easy way to keep a leaky ice-cream cone from staining your clothes. Just place a large marshmallow in the bottom of the cone before you add the ice cream.
Impromptu cupcake frosting
You’re already mixing the batter for the cupcakes when you realize you’re out of frosting. No problem, if you happen to have some marshmallows on hand! Just pop a marshmallow on top of each cupcake about a minute or so before they come out of the oven. It makes a delicious, instant, gooey frosting.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.