Make a shower curtain
A colorful tablecloth can make a great-looking shower curtain to match your bathroom decor. Punch holes about 6 inches (15 centimeters) apart and 1/2 inch (1.25 centimeters) from one edge of a hemmed tablecloth. Insert shower curtain rings or loop strings through the holes and loosely tie to the curtain rod.
Make a high-chair drop cloth
Bombs away! It’s par for the course for a baby to get more food on the floor than in his or her mouth. Catch the debris and protect your floor by spreading a plastic tablecloth under the high chair.
Save all that bending at leaf-raking time. Don’t pick the leaves up to put them in a wheelbarrow to transport them to the curb or leaf pile. Just rake the leaves onto an old plastic tablecloth, gather up the four corners, and drag the tablecloth to the curb or pile.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.