Prevent your furniture from leaving marks on your wood or vinyl floor by wrapping the furniture’s caster wheels with adhesive tape.
Don’t let the floor get soaked when you water your indoor plants. Place 12-inch (30-centimeter) round carpet scraps under house-plants to absorb any overwatering excess.
The sound of a chair scraping across your beautiful floor can make your skin crawl. Solve the problem by cutting cork into thin slices and attaching them to the bottom of the chair legs with a spot of wood glue.
The next time you need to move a heavy table or sofa across a smooth floor, put socks over the legs and just slide the piece.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.