Make a party invitation
How’s this for an imaginative invitation? Inflate a balloon (for sanitary purposes, use an electric pump, if possible). Pinch off the end, but don’t tie a knot in it. Write your invitation details on the balloon with a bright permanent marker; make sure the ink is dry before you deflate it. Place the balloon in an envelope, and mail one out to each guest. When your guests receive it, they’ll have to blow it up to see what it says.
Transport cut flowers
Don’t bother with awkward, water-filled plastic bags and such when traveling with freshly cut flowers. Simply fill up a balloon with about 1/2 cup water and slip it over the cut ends of your flowers. Wrap a rubber band several times around the mouth of the balloon to keep it from slipping off.
Mark your campsite
Bring along several helium-filled balloons on your next camping trip to attach to your tent or a post. They’ll make it easier for the members of your party to locate your campsite when hiking or foraging in the woods.
Make an ice pack
Looking for a flexible ice pack you can use for everything from icing a sore back to keeping food cold in your cooler? Fill a large, durable balloon with as much water as you need and put it in your freezer. You can even mold it to a certain extent into specific shapes — for example, put it under something flat like a box of pizza if you want a flat ice pack for your back. Use smaller latex balloons for making smaller ice packs for lunch boxes, etc.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.