Make a beanbag bull’s-eye
Are the kids rained out of their ball game? Here’s one way to ease their disappointment and let them give their pitching arms a workout anyway. Draw a large bull’s-eye on a sheet. Tape the sheet to a wall and let the kids pitch beanbags at it.
Use as a tablecloth
It is your turn to host the whole clan for Thanksgiving. You’re using every table in the house, but you don’t have enough tablecloths. A patterned sheet makes an attractive festive table covering.
Scoop up all those fall leaves
No reason to strain your back by constantly lifting piles of leaves into a wheelbarrow or bag. Just rake the leaves onto a sheet laid on the ground. Then gather the four corners and drag the leaves to the curb or leaf pile.
Wrap up the old Christmas tree
After removing holiday decorations, wrap an old sheet around the tree so that you can carry or pull it out of the house without leaving a trail of pine needles.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.