Ease a new key into a lock
You just had a new house key made, but you can’t seem to fit it into your front door lock. Rub a pencil over the teeth of the key. The graphite powder should help the key open the door.
Use as hair accessory
Grab a pencil to help with your … hair. A pencil can give lift to curly hair if you don’t have a pick. Two pencils crossed in an X also can stabilize and decorate a hair bun, plus provide you a new writing tool if you lose yours during the day.
Decorate a picture frame
Dress up the frame for your child’s class picture with pencils. Glue two sharpened pencils lengthwise to the frame. Sharpen down two other pencils to fit the width of the frame.
Repel moths with pencil shavings
If you’re tired of finding your winter sweaters filled with moth holes after you’ve stored them for the season, this may help. Empty your electric pencil sharpener into little cloth sacks and use as sachets and in your closet. The cedar shavings will signal the moths to skedaddle.
Stake a small plant
Got a small plant that needs some support? Don’t know if it needs watering? A pencil can help with both problems. It’s the perfect-sized stake for a small plant, tied with piece of old pantyhose or a cloth strip. Or stick a pencil in the pot of that houseplant to see if the soil needs watering yet.
Lubricate a sticky zipper
Your zipper is refusing to budge, no matter how hard you tug and pull. Pick up a pencil and end your frustration. Run the pencil lead along the teeth of the zipper to unstick it. In no time you’ll be zipping out the door with your jacket safely zipped up.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.