Test tire tread
Is it time to replace the tires on your car? Insert a penny into the tread. If you can’t cover the top of Honest Abe’s head inside the tread, it’s time to head for the tire store. Check tires regularly and you will avoid the danger and inconvenience of a flat tire on a busy road.
Give carpet a lift
When you move a chair, sofa, table, or bed, you will notice the deep indentations in your carpet made by the legs. To fluff it up again, simply hold a coin on its edge and scrape it against the flattened pile. If it still doesn’t pop back up, hold a steam iron a couple of inches (5 centimeters) above the affected spot. When the area is damp, try fluffing again with the coin.
Keep cut flowers fresh
Your posies and other cut flowers will stay fresh longer if you add a copper penny and a cube of sugar to the vase water.
If you need to measure something but you don’t have a ruler, just reach into your pocket and pull out a quarter. It measures exactly 1 inch (2.54 centimeters) in diameter. Just line up quarters to measure the length of a small object.
Hang doors perfectly
Next time you hang an entry door, nickel-and-dime it to ensure proper clearance between the outside of the door and the inside of the frame. When the door is closed, the gap at the top should be the thickness of a nickel, and the gap at the sides should be that of a dime. If you do it right, you will keep the door from binding and it won’t let in drafts.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.