Use as setting lotion
Put some life back into flat hair with some flat beer. Before you get into the shower, mix 3 tablespoons beer in 1/2 cup warm water. After you shampoo your hair, rub in the solution, let it set for a couple of minutes, then rinse it off. You may be so pleased by what you see, you’ll want to keep a six-pack in the bathroom.
Who needs powdered meat tenderizer when you have some in a can? You guessed it: Beer makes a great tenderizer for tough, inexpensive cuts of meat. Pour a can over the meat, and let it soak in for about an hour before cooking. Even better, marinate it overnight in the fridge or put the beer in your slow cooker with the meat.
Polish gold jewelry
Get the shine back in your solid gold (i.e., minus any gemstones) rings and other jewelry by pouring a bit of beer (not dark ale!) onto a soft cloth and rubbing it gently over the piece. Use a clean second cloth or towel to dry.
Clean wood furniture
Have you got some beer that’s old or went flat? Use it to clean wooden furniture. Just wipe it on with a soft cloth, and then off with another dry cloth.
Make a trap for slugs and snails
Like some people, some garden pests find beer irresistible — especially slugs and snails. If you’re having problems with these slimy invaders, bury a container, such as a clean, empty juice container cut length-wise in half, in the area where you’ve seen the pests, pour in about half a can of warm, leftover beer, and leave it overnight. You’re likely to find a horde of them, drunk and drowned, the next morning.
Remove coffee or tea stains from rugs
Getting that coffee or tea stain out your rug may seem impossible, but you can literally lift it out by pouring a bit of beer right on top. Rub the beer lightly into the material, and the stain should disappear. You may have to repeat the process a couple of times to remove all traces of the stain.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.