Catch draining engine oil
No need to run out and buy an oil-collecting pan. When it is time to change the oil in your car engine, just stick an old 5-quart (4.75-liter) or larger pot beneath the drain plug.
Create an instant birdbath
You can quickly provide feathered visitors to your backyard with a place to refresh themselves. Just set an old pan atop a flowerpot and keep it filled with water.
Use as a large scoop
Leave those 50-pound (20-kilogram) sacks of fertilizer and grass seed in the garden shed and use a pot to carry what you need to the place you’re tending. A small pot with a handle also makes a terrific boat bailer or dog-food scoop.
Make an extra grill
You’ve got a big barbecue planned, and your grill is not big enough to handle all those burgers and dogs. Improvise an auxiliary grill by building a fire in an old, large pot. Cook on a cake rack placed over the pot. After you are finished, put the pot’s cover on to choke out the fire and save the charcoal for another cookout.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.