More Things Your Arborist Won’t Tell You

View as Slideshow

© Hemera/Thinkstock
1) Don’t just ask if I have liability insurance and workers’ comp, ask to see a copy of the certificate and perhaps even call the company. Then if the arborist falls the wrong way, you’ll remain lawsuit free.

Plus: 13 Things Your Arborist Won't Tell You

© Adam Gault/Digital Vision/Thinkstock
2) If I call you and say, “Mrs. Jones, I’m really sorry, but can we reschedule? We’ve had an emergency, and we’re taking a tree off a roof,” that may be true. Or I might have just snagged a job for that day that pays a lot more.

© iStockphoto/Thinkstock
3) Yes, you do need to water your trees. People think they have these giant root systems that go way down to the water table, but most roots are in the top 12 to 18 inches of soil. Trees need about an inch of water a week during dry periods.

© Hemera/Thinkstock
4) One thing that gets my goat is when people say, “I’m calling everyone in the book to get the cheapest price.” I usually jack the price up when I hear that.

© iStockphoto/Thinkstock
5) Your arborist wants to sell you fertilizer without doing soil testing first? Bad sign.

© Hemera/Thinkstock
6) A lot of you hire so-called tree experts who are really just a guy with a chainsaw and a pickup truck. You think you got a great deal, but the work is atrocious and you won’t even realize it until the tree has already started to decay.

© Ryan McVay/Photodisc/Thinkstock
7) I’ve been bitten by plenty of “happy and friendly” dogs. So if I ask you to leave your dog inside, please respect that.

© iStockphoto/Thinkstock
8) If I come for an appointment between April and October, I probably don’t have time to go over to your neighbor’s or daughter’s house and talk to them too. If you have a friend who needs my advice, mention it when you’re scheduling me.

© iStockphoto/Thinkstock
9) If the branches of your tree are dying back from the tips, especially at the top, your tree is probably already a goner. Another bad sign: The tree goes straight down into the ground like a telephone pole, instead of flaring out at the bottom.

© iStockphoto/Thinkstock
10) Real arborists never talk about “feeding” your trees. Trees make their own food, arborists manage a tree’s soil.

Plus: 13 Things Your Arborist Won't Tell You

Become more interesting every week!

Get our Read Up newsletter

how we use your e-mail

Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.


Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.