More of Americas Dumbest Criminals | Reader's Digest

More of America’s Dumbest Criminals

A lineup of bumbling crooks who practically caught themselves.

By William Beaman from Reader's Digest

A Humiliating Hurt
Zachereya McGrew had a really embarrassing injury. But far more humiliating was how he got it.

When the 23-year-old discovered that his car speakers were missing, he figured he knew who’d swiped them — a teenager from a nearby Wichita, Kansas, neighborhood. And he’d make the kid pay.

The teen was in his front yard when a white four-door Toyota zoomed up and McGrew jumped out of the backseat. He ordered the youth to get in the car and take him to his speakers, which the terrified boy refused to do. McGrew then reached into his waistband and pulled out a handgun (a stolen weapon, incidentally, which he’d gotten in a trade for his pit bull). At that point, the teen took off at a sprint, and McGrew fired at least two shots at him, missing his mark.

Once the boy was out of sight, McGrew slid the gun back into his waistband. Maybe he fumbled things because his pants had begun to sag, or maybe it was his nervous excitement, but McGrew’s finger squeezed the trigger, firing off a perfect shot — into his own left testicle. That can cause a guy to flinch, which McGrew did, pulling the trigger again and sending another bullet slamming into his left calf.

His two friends, who were in the Toyota, immediately drove him to the hospital, where McGrew shuffled in, crying with pain. Police were quickly summoned, and struggled to make sense of what McGrew told them through his tears. He first tried to save face by telling the officers that he’d been shot in the groin and leg by an unknown Hispanic man. But finally, he confessed that the damage to his privates was self-inflicted.

McGrew was charged with aggravated assault and pleaded guilty. As word spread of his shooting prowess, headline writers had a field day. The best may have been this one from MSNBC’s website: “Nobody move or the one on the right gets it too.”