Must-haves for unexpected holiday visitors, from Dawn Simmons, author of Cooking for Crowds for Dummies:
1. Popcorn. Mix with raisins, M&M’s, pecans and powdered sugar for a sweet mix. A savory one could include pretzels, nuts and cayenne.
2. Exotic hot cocoa. Flavored with vanilla, mint or hazelnut, for example. Add whipped topping and sprinkle on cocoa powder or cinnamon. A cookie stick gives a festive touch.
3. Photo frames, wrapped. For unplanned gift exchanges.
4. Ranch dressing. Pair with a bag of baby carrots and you’ve got a veggie platter.
5. Bottle of red, bottle of white. Keep at least one of each on hand. You can get a nice Sauvignon Blanc or Beaujolais for under $10.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.