Soothe an aching back
Take a bath in yellow mustard to relieve an aching back or arthritis pain. Simply pour a regular 6- to 8-ounce (175- to 240-milliliter) bottle of mustard into the hot water as the tub fills. Mix well and soak yourself for 15 minutes. If you don’t have time for a bath, you can rub some mustard directly on the affected areas. Use only mild yellow mustard and make sure to apply it to a small test area first. Undiluted mustard may irritate your skin.
Relax stiff muscles
Next time you take a bath in Epsom salt, throw in a few tablespoons yellow mustard too. The mustard will enhance the soothing effects of the Epsom salt and also help to relax stiff, sore muscles.
Relieve congestion with a mustard plaster just like Grandma used to make. Rub your chest with prepared mustard, soak a washcloth in hot water, wring it out, and place it over the mustard.
Make a facial mask
Pat your face with mild yellow mustard for a bracing facial that will soothe and stimulate your skin. Try it on a small test area first to make sure it will not be irritating.
Remove skunk smell from car
You didn’t see the skunk in the road until it was too late, and now your car exudes that foul aroma. Use mustard powder to get rid of those awful skunk odors. Pour 1 cup dry mustard into a bucket of warm water, mix well, and splash it on the tires, wheels, and underbody of the car. Your passengers will thank you.
Remove odor from bottles
You’ve got some nice bottles you’d like to keep, but after washing them, they still smell like whatever came in them. Mustard is a sure way to kill the smell. After washing, just squirt a little mustard into the bottle, fill with warm water, and shake it up. Rinse well, and the smell will be gone.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.