3 Resume Killers

Looking for a job? Try to avoid these résumé bombs, collected from bemused hiring managers:

Candidate specified that his availability was limited because Friday, Saturday, and Sunday was "drinking time."

Candidate explained an arrest by stating, "We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig."

Advertising is a tough business. Which may be why one prospective adman wrote a cover letter boasting, "I am getting to my goal, slowly but surly."

  • Category: Office Jokes

    The Boss’s Boss

    My nephew was in the bathroom shaving when the phone rang…

    Q: What did the schizophrenic bookkeeper say?

    A: I hear invoices! Stephen Pickering, Marshall, Michigan…

    Performing for Kindergartners

    I was performing my musical 
act at an elementary school…

    Honest Out-Of-Office Replies

    • “I am currently out at a job 
interview and will…

    Insulation Discrimination

    Anyone who says the sexes 
were created equal hasn’t…

    A Phonetic Phail

    Scene: I’m on the phone with 
a customer. Me: Was the…

    Roach But No Cigar

    When the coffeemaker went 
on the fritz, I joked that…

    How to Make an Impression at Your Next Meeting

    • Translate percentages into 
fractions: If someone…

    The Job You Want

    My style is “dress for the job 
you want,” and the…

    The Best Person to List as an Emergency Contact

    Among the questions on the 
job-application forms I…

    The Subway Sign Pun-Off

    A London commuter hurrying to a job interview pushed and…

    A Letter to The Editor… Then Another One

    Earlier this year, sports editor Robert Cessna received two…

    Dumb Clients: A Different Color

    Client: The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was…

    Smart-Asses Work in Restaurants, Too

    I phoned a local restaurant to 
ask if it was on the…

    Left. Left. Left, Right, OUCH!

    “Halt!” shouted our drill 
instructor. He had noticed…

    Shaving with Daddy

    My son was born while I was serving abroad, so he was three…

    "What's Good Tonight?"

    One of the most popular questions asked at our family…

    Breeding Doubt

    I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had…

    The Dumbest Questions from National Park Tourists

    What are the wildest things national park guides contend…

    The Most Confusing Password

    I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet…