A Grasshopper Hops Into…

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.”

The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”

  • Categories: Animal Jokes, Bar Jokes

    Bested by a Parrot

    Wandering inside a pet store, 
I stopped in front of a…

    A Tough Question, by George Carlin

    What should you do when 
you see an endangered animal…

    Breeding Doubt

    I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had…

    Why Did The Chicken Go to…

    Q: Why did the chicken go to the 
séance? A: To get to…

    What's the Plural of Mongoose?

    A zookeeper is ordering new 
animals. As he fills out the…

    The One About The Stand-in Gorilla

    When a zoo’s gorilla dies, the zookeeper hires an actor…

    The Penguin Whisperer

    A man is driving down the highway when he sees a shipping…

    Cats Are Smarter

    Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats…

    Why Does Moisture Destroy…

    Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s raining…

    Why Does Vegan Cheese Taste…

    Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad? A: It hasn’t been…

    The Reader, The Writer, And The Lion

    A lion comes across two 
men, one reading and the other…

    A Grizzly Conversion

    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best…

    Bear-ittos, Anyone?

    People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear…

    Cat Appetites

    They make cat food out of cow, fish, turkey, chicken &…

    The Impatient Flea

    Tired of waiting in the back of the line to get on…

    The Anxious Poodle

    Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my…

    Soul Singing Duck

    How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the…

    NASA Cow Launch

    Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into…

    Missing Dog

    An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing…

    A Penguin Walks Into…

    A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks…

    A Panda Walks Into…

    A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then…

    A Horse Walks Into…

    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says…

    A Guy Walks Into…

    A guy walks into a bar and finds a horse serving drinks…

    A Grasshopper Hops Into…

    A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says…

    A Frenchman Walks Into…

    A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder…

    A Dog Goes Into…

    A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender…

    A Bear Walks Into…

    A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a…

    Humming Birds

    Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they can’t remember…

    A Tibetan Phone Call

    So I called up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent…

    Chicken Prep

    A man walks into a restaurant and says, “How do you…

    A Duck Walks Into a Drugstore

    A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of…

    Quite a Crowd

    Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder…

    So a Dog Walks Into…

    So a dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do…

    A Pig Walks Into a Bar…

    A pig walks into a bar, orders 15 beers, and drinks them…

    A Bird Named Moses

    A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light…

    What Cats Want

    Me and the wife [singer Katy Perry] have three cats, and…

    Lunch Break

    When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical…

    Going to the Dogs

    When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the…

    Problems With Babel Fish

    A bilingual road sign in Wales caught bikers off guard. The…

    Security System

    When a neighbor’s home was burglarized, I decided to…

    Rockstar Life

    The band Kings of Leon cut short a concert after pigeons…

    Dog Halloween Costume to Avoid

    I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. He bit…

    Funny Pet Names

    Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give…

    Flying Problems

    A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a…

    Companion

    Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a…

    Beware of Dog

    As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign:…

    Identity Crisis

    A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when…

    Guessing Game

    Once I’d finished reviewing my daughter’s…

    Dog Owners

    A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is…

    Millions of Years Ago

    Overheard at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney’s Animal…