Not Accepted

It had been a long time—seven years to be exact—since my friend Brian had been to see his doctor. So the nurse told him that if he wanted to make an appointment, he would have to be reprocessed as a new patient.

"Okay," said Brian, "reprocess me."

"I’m sorry," she told him. "We’re not accepting any new patients."

  • Category: Doctor Jokes

    A Holy Misunderstanding

    A Catholic priest I once knew went to the hospital to visit…

    Assembly Line

    Students in the adult French class I teach include quite a…

    Chicken Scratch

    Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those…

    Too Much Information

     My wife was in her gynecologist’s busy waiting…

    Doctor's Order

    It was an unusually hectic evening at the emergency clinic…

    Larger Than Life

    As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when…

    Like Father Like Son

    I was on duty as an emergency-room technician when a father…

    Numbing

    At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was…

    Nut Case

    Unfortunately, we humans don’t come equipped with…

    Protection

    Each new patient at the clinic where I work must fill out a…

    Scared Situation

    I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very…

    Sedated

    I am an oral surgeon, and once I was scheduled to extract…

    The Higher the Better

    Sign above the scale in a Mission Hills, Calif.…

    Aging Recovery

    I was hospitalized with an awful sinus infection that…

    The Other Woman

    Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a…

    Wrong Patient

    Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients…

    Party Animal

    I was having some chest pains, but my cardiologist assured…

    Weight Guessing

    Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing at…

    Already Gone

    Since maternity patients at the small hospital where I work…

    Already Pregnant

    To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a…