Put Together

Jake, Johnny, and Billy died and went to heaven. "Welcome," St. Peter said. "You’ll be very happy here if you just obey our rule: Never step on a duck. If you step on a duck, the duck quacks, they all start quacking and it makes a terrible racket."

That sounded simple enough until they passed through the Pearly Gates and found thousands of ducks everywhere. Jake stepped on one right away. The ducks quacked, making an unholy racket, and St. Peter came up to Jake bringing with him a ferocious-looking Amazon woman.

"I warned you if you broke the rule you’d be punished," St. Peter said. Then he chained the Amazon woman to Jake for eternity.

Several hours later, Johnny stepped on a duck. The duck quacked, they all quacked, and St. Peter stepped up to Johnny with an angry-looking, shrewish woman. "As your punishment," St. Peter told Johnny, "you’ll be chained to this woman for eternity."

Billy was extremely careful not to step on a duck. Several months went by. Then St. Peter came up to him with a gorgeous blonde and chained her to Billy, uniting them for all time. "Wow!" exclaimed Billy. "I wonder what I did to deserve this?"

"I don’t know about you," said the beautiful woman, "but I stepped on a duck."

  • Category: Religious Jokes

    A Mouthful

    During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was…

    Bible Bafflement

    My friend opened a ministry, using a snippet from the Bible…

    A Bell of Time

    A friend of mine, a professional organist, was asked to…

    Accepting Money

    The phone rings at the synagogue office. "Hello, is…

    Added to the Paper

    As part of his talk at a banquet, our minister told some…

    Always a Winner

    Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy were playing golf. On…

    An Animal Situation

    Not long after I resigned as pastor of a small community…

    Arriving Late

    One Sunday morning my sister Liz was surprised to receive a…

    As Good as New

    As the golfer approached the first tee, a hazardous hole…

    Asking for Money

    The pastor of my church hates to plead for money. But when…

    Bad Timing

    My boyfriend was working in the souvenir shop at Canterbury…

    Big Fall

    During an ice storm I went to check the mailbox, carefully…

    Chess

    We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church…

    Cutting Carbs

    The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from…

    Dead or Alive

    "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale…

    Dress Up

    A doctor died and went to heaven, where he found a long…

    Dumb Blonde

    The sentence in the Thanksgiving edition of my church…

    Empty Nesting

    At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious…

    Falling Into Water

    The Presbyterians were convening in Scotland. After a…

    False Advertising

    A computer salesman dies and meets St. Peter at the Pearly…