Running Out of Water

A New York retail clerk was suffering from aching feet. "It’s all those years of standing," his doctor declared. "You need a vacation. Go to Miami, soak your feet in the ocean and you’ll feel better."

When the man got to Florida, he went into a hardware store, bought two large buckets and headed for the beach.

"How much for two buckets of that seawater?" he asked the lifeguard.

"A dollar a bucket," the fellow replied with a straight face.

The clerk paid him, filled his buckets, went to his hotel room and soaked his feet. They felt so much better he decided to repeat the treatment that afternoon. Again he handed the lifeguard two dollars. The young man took the money and said, "Help yourself."

The clerk started for the water, then stopped in amazement. The tide was out. "Wow," he said, turning to the lifeguard. "Some business you got here!"

 

 

  • Category: Office Jokes

    The Boss’s Boss

    My nephew was in the bathroom shaving when the phone rang…

    Q: What did the schizophrenic bookkeeper say?

    A: I hear invoices! Stephen Pickering, Marshall, Michigan…

    Performing for Kindergartners

    I was performing my musical 
act at an elementary school…

    Honest Out-Of-Office Replies

    • “I am currently out at a job 
interview and will…

    Insulation Discrimination

    Anyone who says the sexes 
were created equal hasn’t…

    A Phonetic Phail

    Scene: I’m on the phone with 
a customer. Me: Was the…

    Roach But No Cigar

    When the coffeemaker went 
on the fritz, I joked that…

    How to Make an Impression at Your Next Meeting

    • Translate percentages into 
fractions: If someone…

    The Job You Want

    My style is “dress for the job 
you want,” and the…

    The Best Person to List as an Emergency Contact

    Among the questions on the 
job-application forms I…

    The Subway Sign Pun-Off

    A London commuter hurrying to a job interview pushed and…

    A Letter to The Editor… Then Another One

    Earlier this year, sports editor Robert Cessna received two…

    Dumb Clients: A Different Color

    Client: The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was…

    Smart-Asses Work in Restaurants, Too

    I phoned a local restaurant to 
ask if it was on the…

    Left. Left. Left, Right, OUCH!

    “Halt!” shouted our drill 
instructor. He had noticed…

    Shaving with Daddy

    My son was born while I was serving abroad, so he was three…

    "What's Good Tonight?"

    One of the most popular questions asked at our family…

    Breeding Doubt

    I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had…

    The Dumbest Questions from National Park Tourists

    What are the wildest things national park guides contend…

    The Most Confusing Password

    I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet…

    Moonlighting and Other Witchcraft

    My daughter Amy was holding down two jobs: The first was as…

    Total @mateur

    A client called my help desk saying she couldn’t send an…

    And That's The Way it is

    Any time a person with a journalism degree writes a story…

    That Sounds Exhausting

    My granddaughter was 
graduating from college, so I asked…

    The Best Legal Advice Ever…

    …was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of…

    Real Excuses Tenants Gave for Not Paying Rent

    • “I have to make payments on my BMW and iPhones.”…

    How Not to Get a Teaching Job

    An applicant for an open 
teaching job submitted a…

    Wanted: Cemetery Superintendent

    “Now hiring,” read the classified ad. “Cemetery…

    Ken Jennings on Dog Walkers

    My favorite game  is “Professional Dog Walker or Crazy…

    Un-intelligent Design

    We were making leaflets for a 
local church, and the…

    Stephen Colbert on Internships

    Try an internship! Internships give you all the experience…

    The Weirdest Summer Job Ever

    Being a lifeguard is a weird summer job for a kid…

    Lifeguards vs. Life Coaches

    L.A. public pools don’t have lifeguards—[they] have…

    My First Job…

    I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was…

    Worst Insurance Claims Ever

    If you were an auto insurer, would you have paid these…

    Time to Reboot…

    My husband was at a dinner with colleagues, and one of them…

    She Must Not've Read It…

    While teaching at a veterinary college, I ordered a few…

    Tattoo 'Tude

    A friend of mine works at a tattoo shop. A client walked in…

    Tickle-Me Manager

    My boss was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in…

    The Tax Man Cometh

    A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office…

    Hot-Crossed Pastors

    When my husband, James Rowles, was in the seminary, he was…

    Dog on The Job

    Sometimes I like to sit my dog down for a performance…

    Never Talk About Religion at Work

    Religion is generally a verboten topic for everyone at…

    Wrong Store, Buddy

    Scene: Inside a Best Buy store. Customer: Can you help me?…

    Colonoscopy Small Talk

    Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have…

    What's Your Definition of "Woman"?

    Request from a client: “For the ad, use a stock photo of…

    Weirdest Craigslist Post Ever?

    Looking for a job? Here’s one posted on Craigslist:…

    Is Your Boss This Dumb?

    While taking stock of our 
products, I read aloud the…

    Eggxclaimed in the Office

    Employee #1: I wouldn’t eat caviar. That’s fish eggs!…

    Bad Work Excuses

    Thinking of skipping work? Don’t try these real…