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Kids making you feel a little nutty? Take a deep breath and remember -- you can laugh about parenting's perils for years and years to come -- or maybe right now, with one of these small wonders:
Fine Print Father
My daughter and her husband, Monte, had flown to visit me, and he held their baby in his arms as the passengers stood to deplane. Noticing the baby's shirt, which said "Little Terror," a woman commented, "I think it's awful to have your child wear something like that." "But it's true," Monte replied. "Well," the woman persisted, "I wouldn't advertise it." A moment later, he shifted the infant a bit, and the woman exclaimed, "Oh, his shirt says 'Little Terror.' I thought it said 'Little Error.' "
-- Contributed by Anne Buller
Light Up My Life
One of my husband's colleagues at General Electric was taking Lamaze classes with his wife in preparation for the birth of their baby. The first evening, couples were asked to introduce themselves and state their occupations. A banker, a lawyer and a psychologist spoke up, and our factory-worker friend began to feel intimidated.
Finally his turn came. Rising to his feet, he said, "Hi! I'm Bill." Looking down at his pregnant wife, he quipped, "I work at GE, and I bring good things to life!"
-- Contributed by Barbara King Sweed
Parenting 101
I was attending a community-education course on effective parenting. Ways of dealing with children's behavior were discussed. At the last class, the instructor asked a very frazzled-looking mother of two, "Have any of these methods helped you handle your kids better?" "No," the woman responded. "But they've worked wonders on my husband!"
-- Contributed by Lynn G Keinath
Oh Baby!
After the birth of my son, a woman from the records department stopped by my hospital room to get information for his birth certificate. "Father's date of birth?" she asked. When I told her, she said, "Do you realize that his birthday is exactly nine months before your son's birth?" "No, I hadn't thought about it," I responded, "but now that you mention it, I have a daughter who turned two a couple days before the same date." After she finished taking down all the data, she patted my hand and said, "Maybe you should start buying your husband a tie for his birthday."
-- Contributed by M.K. Pigott
Follow the Leader
When my daughter's kindergarten class visited a fire station, I agreed along with two other fathers
to be a parent helper. After the tour, we led the children through the downtown area to the bus stop, trying to keep the stragglers in line. At a busy intersection, we managed with difficulty to get everyone across before the light changed. One of the other fathers looked wearily at me. "Kind of gives you new respect for a mother duck," he said, sighing.
-- Contributed by Dana B Martin
Mom, You're Hired!
After my first child, Kate, was born, I returned to work as the business manager of a TV station. When my second daughter, Kelly, arrived three years later, life just got too complicated. I tried to juggle job and family, and finally decided to put my career on hold.
Giving up a good position was a hard decision. But everything came into perspective on my last day at the office. A bouquet of flowers arrived with a card in my husband's handwriting: "We're so glad you're coming to work for us -- Love, Kate and Kelly."
-- Contributed by Carol K. Stephenson
Extra Special Delivery
Our three small children and I met my husband, a mail carrier, on his route for lunch at a fast-food restaurant. As we waited in line, he put our nine-month-old daughter in his mail bag. She stood up in the pouch and giggled, to the delight of some watching patrons. Carrying our tray to a table, my husband turned to one onlooker and said, "And all this time you thought the stork delivered them!"
-- Contributed by Billie L. Stahl
Honey, What a Great Idea!
Some friends were hoping their second child would be a girl, and they even had a name picked out. The ultrasound didn't reveal the baby's sex, though, and since the expectant father had orders from the Navy to ship out before the due date, he told his wife, "We'd better pick out a boy's name, just in case." But when it was time for him to report for duty, they still hadn't decided. At sea a few weeks later, he got notification that his son, Justin Kase, had been born.
-- Contributed by Rich Elkins
I Saw This Story Already...
One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, "Do you think she'll die?" "Nope," a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night on Fear Factor."
-- Contributed by Brianne Burcl
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