Bar Jokes

A bar in our neighborhood got lots of interesting traffic. Cars swerved into the parking lot, and the drivers would run inside only to reappear minutes later looking confused. One reason might have been the sign outside: "Free…

Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his barstool and lies motionless on the floor. "One thing about Fred," his buddy says to the bartender. "He knows when to stop."

Having grown up in a small Alabama town, my friend James couldn't wait to tell us all about life in California, where he was stationed. "The malls are massive, and the restaurants are great," he said. Then he grinned…

A drunk walks into a drugstore and asks for a bottle of mouthwash. "I’m not selling you that," says the druggist. "You’ll drink it for the alcohol and get sick outside my door!" "Not true!"…

Everyone has a right to make money. A sign posted at a local pub reads "Be safe: Don't drink and drive. But please still drink."

A guy sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar. He walks up to her and says, "Where have you been all my life?" "Well," she says, "for the first half of it, I wasn't even born."

This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes"? The bartender says, "No we only sell beer here". The duck leaves. The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender…

Do you serve ladies at this bar? No, sir, you have to supply your own.  

Three vampires walk into a bar. "What can I get ya?" asks the bartender. "Blood," orders the first vampire."Make it two," says the second. The bartender looks at the third. "What about you…

A sign on Washington's Route 8, featuring an illustration of a police car with lights flashing, reads "If you drink and drive, we'll provide the chasers."