These words are so joining our vocabulary in 2016!
Chairdrobe (n.): piling clothes on
a chair in place of a closet or dresser.
Epiphanot (n.): an idea that seems like an amazing insight to the conceiver but is in fact pointless, mundane, stupid, or incorrect.
Internest (n.): the cocoon of blankets and pillows you gather around yourself while spending long periods of time on the Internet.
Textpectation (n.): the anticipation felt when waiting for a response to
Unkeyboardinated (adj.): when you’re unable to type without repeatedly making mistakes.
Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”
Comedian Matt Wohlfarth
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before
replying, “Give me six Orthodox,
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have
a huge clock right in the middle
of the town.
I think a lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could’ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Seen on reddit.com
I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while
applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two
police officers and a psychiatrist.
Submitted by Nancy L. Clark,
Points, West Virginia
Here’s some advice: At a job
interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.
Comedian Adam Gropman
Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.
My doctor took one look at
my gut and refused to believe that
I work out. So I listed the exercises
I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels,
push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot
in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
Submitted by Norie Bloom,
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
“Pickup artists” and “garbagemen” should switch names.
it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
Submitted by Paul Stewart,
A crafty young bard named McMahon,
Whose poetry never would scan,
Once said, with a pause,
“It’s probably because
I’m always trying to cram as
many extra syllables into the
last line as I possibly can.”
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
There’s no “I” in denial.
Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?