Cust. Service Jokes

I bought a pint of  Häagen-Dazs ice cream at the supermarket. As the cashier rang it up, I asked, “How do you pronounce that?” Speaking slowly and distinctly, he said, “Four dollars and seventy-nine cents.”

Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"

In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove. "Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?" "I’m looking for a…

I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman’s. "What type of pie is Herman’s?" I asked the waiter. "Apple," he said. "Then why is…

Scene: A phone conversation between a client and me—an art director. Me: Hi. I was wondering if you received the invoice I sent? Client: Yes, I received it, but I am not going to pay you yet. Me: Why not? Was something wrong?…

A customer pulled up to my drive-through window at the fast-food restaurant where I work and requested something from the lunch menu. "I’m sorry, but it’s 10:15," I told her. "We’re only serving…

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.…

Days after we invaded Marja, Afghanistan, one of my Marines found out his wife hadn't paid the cell phone bill. He called the company and asked how he could settle up. "You can go to Western Union and place a money order,"…

One woman raved about the rides at our water park, but she did have a valid complaint: "The water in the wave pool tastes horrible!"

Scene: A gas station in Canada Customer: Excuse me. Why won't my debit card work on the pump? Owner: Are you using an American card? Customer: Yes. Owner: American cards don't work at the pump. Customer: You should put up a sign.…