Customer Service Jokes

Newest Jokes

The Cost of Vinyl

Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, “But there’s a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records.”

Linda Neukrug, Walnut Creek, California

5 Lies Job Applicants Tell

Gilding the lily is a job seeker’s birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed …

… to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying.

… to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin.

… to be a Nobel Prize winner.

… to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time.

… he was fired “on accident.”


Confessions of a Store Santa

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”

The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, 
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”

He promptly replied, “Another train.”


Half It Your Way

The food at the sandwich shop 
I frequent is good, but any deviation from the norm throws the staff. I once told a clerk that I wanted only half a sandwich. His reply: “What am I going to do with the other half?” A week later, when I told another clerk the same thing, she responded, “Do you want the top or the bottom?”

Carole Holder, Norman, Oklahoma

An Ocean of Dumb

A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him: He was 
expecting an ocean-view hotel 
room. I explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of 
the state. “Don’t lie to me,” he said. 
“I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”


Expanding Inventory

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.

“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

Sally Thorinson, Ferndale, Washington

Sgt. Nimrod

I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, “Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard.”

The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Gary Toohard.

G. C., via mail


Scene: My cousin Matt and his daughter at Chick-fil-A.

Matt: Can I please get a four-piece kids’ meal with white milk. [Pause] Oh, and gimme an extra white milk.

Clerk: Um … We only have one kind of milk, and it’s pretty white.

Paul Silverman, Mohegan Lake, New York

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