Doctor Jokes

When I went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician. "Has your address changed?" she asked. "No," I answered. "Your phone number?" "No." "What…

I just met the coolest gynecologist. He's an O.B.G.B.Y.O.B.

I overheard two EMT volunteers talking about the time they went to the aid of an elderly man. As one took down his information, the other opened his shirt to attach EKG cables. "Any history of heart trouble?" asked the…

My husband went to the cardiologist after experiencing symptoms of a heart attack. "I had taken our cat to the vet," he told the nurse, "and while I was there, my chest got tight, and I had trouble breathing. Later, my…

They've just found a gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.

My mother has tried her hand at several careers, some even concurrently. Imagine the surprise of both a hospital patient and my mom when the patient awoke after surgery and, upon seeing who her nurse's aide was, yelled, "What are…

When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty. "On a scale of zero to ten," I asked her, "with zero representing no pain and ten representing excruciating pain, what would you say your pain…

It was time for my dog's annual checkup. Following the vet's instructions, I collected a stool sample and dropped it in a plastic container before we left for his office. When we arrived, I handed the sample to the receptionist, who…

When my insurance company refused to pay for my newborn son's circumcision, I got a letter explaining its logic. Under the procedure "Circumcision" was written "Unable to locate member."

I'd just come home from my sixth medical appointment of the week with one more to go, so I was in a lousy mood when my daughter called. After I recited my woes, my daughter said, "Well, seven doctors is better than one…