Dumb Jokes

Scene: Starbucks. Customer:  Hey, you lost a lot of weight. Barista: No, I gave birth two weeks ago. Customer: To a baby?

My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. "Excuse me," said the woman, pointing to a pond. "What is that water made out of?" Bemused, my friend replied, "Two parts hydrogen and one part…

Sometimes men don't date women for their IQs. Here are some examples: Today, my girlfriend asked me if my grandmother had any kids. My girlfriend and I went out to dinner. We were going to get there 30 minutes early, so I told…

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt. “What did you write in the ad?” his…

When our client's dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. "Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find," he told me. At the liquor store, I was…

A customer called our service line demanding help with her TV set, which wouldn’t come on. "I’m sorry, but we can’t send a technician out today due to the blizzard," I told her. Unsatisfied, she barked…

I’d just sat down at a Manhattan diner when I noticed schav on the menu. Since I hadn’t had a bowl of the cold, sour soup in quite a while, I ordered some. "We don’t have it today," said the waitress.…

As we pulled into the parking lot, we saw a couple of people looking under the hood of their car. Concerned, Mom wondered aloud, "Do you think they have a flat tire?"

A job applicant’s polygraph test for the Washington State Patrol came to an abrupt end after officers discovered an interesting piece of literature on the front seat of his car. The title of the book: How to Beat a Lie Detector…

While attending an open house, my wife was taken with the home’s modern features, especially the central vacuum system installed within the walls. But she had a practical question: "What do you do when all the walls fill…