Family Jokes

I'd been secretly dating for several months, and it was time to break the news to my very protective father. My mother thought he'd take it better if she explained to him that my boyfriend was a Marine who had just returned from Iraq…

Renting a film? Check My Mom's Movie Review, where comic Lauren Palmigiano's mother gives her opinions. Burlesque Oh. My. God. Loved it. I will watch this 100 times. If I'm in jail and they ask what I want for my last…

Scene: Playground A young girl is reading a book about knights. Girl: What does our family crest look like, Mommy? Mom: Poor people being crushed by a boot.

Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? After they were caught, they finished each other’s sentences.

My two daughters were discussing the less than desirable physical attributes they had inherited from their father. The older one: "I hate my freckles from Dad." Her unsympathetic younger sister: "At least you got his…

My coworker at the hotel was miserable at his job and was desperately searching for a new one. "Why don’t you work for your mother?" I suggested. He shook his head. "I can’t," he said. "Her…

People’s parents actually give them sage advice, like “Do what you love, and the money will follow” or “The early bird gets the worm.” All I remember is “Don’t fill up on bread.”

Sometimes after you hear what comes out of a parent's mouth, it's hard to believe you're related. Crazythingsparentssay.com has the proof: "You shouldn't be eating candy so early. We have doughnuts." "The key is to…

My cousin was in love and wanted to introduce his bride-to-be to his hypercritical mother. But in order to get an unbiased opinion, he invited over three other female friends as well and didn't tell his mom which one he intended to…

The day I knew my in-laws had finally accepted me: As we pulled into their driveway, my father-in-law was on the phone. "Oh, I have to run," he told the person on the other end. "My daughter-in-law and her husband just…