Animal Jokes

Funny cats, dogs, and other creatures prowl through our collection of funny animal jokes.

NEW FUNNY JOKES

The One About The Stand-in Gorilla

When a zoo’s gorilla dies, the zookeeper hires…

The Penguin Whisperer

A man is driving down the highway when he sees a…

Cats Are Smarter

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight…

Why Does Moisture Destroy...

Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s…

Why Does Vegan Cheese Taste...

Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad? A: It…

The Reader, The Writer, And The Lion

A lion comes across two 
men, one reading and…

A Grizzly Conversion

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see…

Bear-ittos, Anyone?

People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the…

Cat Appetites

They make cat food out of cow, fish, turkey…

The Impatient Flea

Tired of waiting in the back of the line to get…

The Anxious Poodle

Poodle: "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my…

Soul Singing Duck

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put…

NASA Cow Launch

Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows…

Missing Dog

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes…

A Penguin Walks Into...

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter…

A Panda Walks Into...

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer…

A Horse Walks Into...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says…

A Guy Walks Into...

A guy walks into a bar and finds a horse serving…

A Bear Walks Into...

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a…

A Grasshopper Hops Into...

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender…

A Frenchman Walks Into...

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his…

A Dog Goes Into...

A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The…

A Tibetan Phone Call

So I called up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and…

Humming Birds

Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they can't…

A Bird Named Moses

A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining…

Chicken Prep

A man walks into a restaurant and says, "How do…

A Duck Walks Into a Drugstore

A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube…

Quite a Crowd

Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his…

So a Dog Walks Into...

So a dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender…

A Pig Walks Into a Bar...

A pig walks into a bar, orders 15 beers, and…

What Cats Want

Me and the wife [singer Katy Perry] have three…

Going to the Dogs

When our client's dog lapped up anti-freeze, the…

Lunch Break

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the…

Dog Halloween Costume to Avoid

I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween…

Funny Pet Names

Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If…

Flying Problems

A businessman flying first class is sitting next…

Companion

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so…

Identity Crisis

A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some…

Dog Owners

A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose…

Millions of Years Ago

Overheard at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney's…

Karate

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork…

Surprise

The week we got our puppy, I caught a stomach bug…

A Camel's Life

Max the little camel walks into his parents' room…

Pulling Together

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer…

The Clothes Make The Cat

I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now…

Big Litter

"For sale: Eight puppies from a German shepherd…

Monkey Business

Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks…

Going to the Zoo

A guy finds a sheep wandering in his neighborhood…

Learning Tricks

A talking horse shows up at Dodger Stadium and…

Cow Who?

Knock! Knock!Who's there?CowCow who?Cow's don't…

Save the Polar Bears

During a trip to the zoo, we saw a sign posted…

Fate

When a lonely frog consults a fortune-teller…

Feline Friendly

A woman walked into my aunt's animal shelter…

Misery Loves Company

A fellow salesperson, an animal lover, was…

Uninsured

This report from an agent landed on my desk in…

Cold Water Washing

John went to visit his old grandfather in a…

Doggy Love

Whenever my family leaves the house, our Shetland…

Doggie Bowl

I was shopping in the pet section of my local…

Visitation Rights

My law partner was presenting a no-fault divorce…

Changing Species

A hypnotist was visiting the aquarium during…

Clever Names

“Nice dog. What’s its name?” I…

Covering the Bird

We visited our newly married daughter, who was…

Dinner Time

My brother adopted a snake named Slinky, whose…

Endangered Species

Lost in the woods, a hiker spends two days…

Feeding Time

An adorable little girl walked into my pet shop…

Fish Emergency

My friend’s husband, Ray, is a state…

Food Caller

I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked…

Foul Mouth Bird

Dave's parrot was always using bad language, so…

Good Dog

A French poodle and a collie were walking down…

Hamster on the Run

My niece bought her five-year-old daughter…

Health Insurance

My father-in-law had prostate surgery. We brought…

How to get Attention

One of the highlights of the freshman biology…

Late Night Eaters

Sounds of crashing and banging in the middle of…

Medicine Time

The vet prescribed daily tablets for our…

Money Saver

Each morning at 5:30, I take my Lhasa Apso…

Opera Singer

Our cat, Figaro, comes home between 10 or 11 at…

Religious Squirrels

Squirrels had overrun three churches in town…

Scared Dog

A friend of mine is a deputy with the…

Scared Dog

My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to…

Scared of Insects

One day while we were doing yard work, my…

Self-Poison

Snake 1: Are we poisonous? Snake 2: I don’t…

Sleeping Position

As I was walking through a variety store, I…

Tragically Right

I bought my sons a pet rabbit after they promised…

Car Trouble

My son is an avid listener to our city’s…

Cat Shopping

Living in a household with eight indoor cats…

Cooking Instructions

According to the Internet: The inscription on the…

Dog Duties

Once while riding the bus to work, I noticed a…

Dog Giver

I was editing classified ads for a small-town…

Dog Sounds

I always scoffed when my sister insisted that our…

Drive Thru

The drive-up window at the bank where I’m a…

Escape of the Snake

On a recent trip to the post office, I took a few…

Hungry Cat

One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s…

Hungry Dogs

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor…

Lunatic

I like hunting fossils, a hobby that isn’t…

Magic Cat

I worked at a boarding kennel where people leave…

Pet Giveaway

From the Danvers, Ill., Shopper:"Ferret…

Regular Feeding

When my daughter and I caught only one perch on…

Smelling the Cat

At the end of a visit to Amsterdam, a friend…

Talking Bird

My father’s secretary was visibly distraught…

Traveling Answering Machine

In good weather, my friend Mark always let his…