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Animal Jokes

Funny cats, dogs, and other creatures prowl through our collection of funny animal jokes.

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Color Problems

A favorite story among color-film processors concerns the negative of a poodle which a woman sent to a photo-finishing lab. When the print was made, the dog came out looking green. Figuring that there must have been a mistake in the color balance, a problem which plagues color processors, the lab tried again and again, and finally got the dog to come out a kind of improbable tan.

The woman who sent in the negative was furious when she got the picture of the tan poodle, which, she informed the lab, she had dyed green.

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What Cats Want

Me and the wife [singer Katy Perry] have three cats, and they get whatever they want. We can only…

97%
Lunch Break

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father.…

67%
Dog Halloween Costume to Avoid

I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. He bit himself.

71%
Funny Pet Names

Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams "I'm a…

73%
Flying Problems

A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. The plane takes off, and the parrot…

86%
Companion

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live…

86%
Identity Crisis

A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. "What are…

77%
Dog Owners

A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. "My dog is so smart,"…

33%
Millions of Years Ago

Overheard at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney's Animal Kingdom park: a confused woman complaining to…

75%
Karate

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.