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Animal Jokes

Funny cats, dogs, and other creatures prowl through our collection of funny animal jokes.

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Identity Crisis

A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. "What are you?" asks the cat.

"A gnome," comes the reply. "I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, I make annoying music at night to drive them crazy, and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?"

The cat replies, "Um, I’m a gnome."

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What Cats Want

Me and the wife [singer Katy Perry] have three cats, and they get whatever they want. We can only…

97%
Lunch Break

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father.…

67%
Dog Halloween Costume to Avoid

I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. He bit himself.

71%
Funny Pet Names

Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams "I'm a…

73%
Flying Problems

A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. The plane takes off, and the parrot…

86%
Companion

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live…

87%
Identity Crisis

A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. "What are…

77%
Dog Owners

A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. "My dog is so smart,"…

33%
Millions of Years Ago

Overheard at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney's Animal Kingdom park: a confused woman complaining to…

75%
Karate

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.