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Animal Jokes

Funny cats, dogs, and other creatures prowl through our collection of funny animal jokes.

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Lunch Break

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father.

"How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?" I shrieked.

Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the basement to the outside. It worked—the squirrel ate his way out of the house. Unfortunately, he passed another squirrel eating his way in.

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Most Popular Animal Jokes 

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What Cats Want

Me and the wife [singer Katy Perry] have three cats, and they get whatever they want. We can only…

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Lunch Break

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father.…

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Dog Halloween Costume to Avoid

I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. He bit himself.

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Funny Pet Names

Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams "I'm a…

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Flying Problems

A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. The plane takes off, and the parrot…

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Companion

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live…

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Identity Crisis

A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. "What are…

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Dog Owners

A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. "My dog is so smart,"…

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Millions of Years Ago

Overheard at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney's Animal Kingdom park: a confused woman complaining to…

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Karate

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

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